Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
