The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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