i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
