btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I understand Curling. That high.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
