I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
