Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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