we're blogging at a bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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