First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
