I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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