Swine flu. Run for my life!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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