Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
