I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
