Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
