i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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