is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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