my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
