I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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