There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
soo... how was my night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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