We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
