She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
