Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize