yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize