Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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