i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
