sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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