a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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