just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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