Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
