Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
