I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
