Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
