Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
