i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
