i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
