I think my vagina is haunted
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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