you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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