So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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