It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
