She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
