I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
