there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
