if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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