It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
