I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize