your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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