life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
