So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
