I accidentally had phone sex last night
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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