What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
