I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
