just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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