I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
