a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
