dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
