the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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