I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
