I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, beer. Big fan.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize