Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
