I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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