I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
