at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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