They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
