So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
