I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
