Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
