I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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