Define "chronic" masturbator.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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