He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and she was petting her beer can
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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