using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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