The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dignity is for republicans.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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