Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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