btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
