We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
