Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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