My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
